zombiefox

1:00 AM - Woken up by Cell phones 'annoy until I do something' feature, text message from local murry-purry-furry literally doing just that *angry*.

3:00 AM - Woken up to the sound of Bowie howling because roommate wasn't around, opened door and stared at him glaringly, fixed that.

6:30 AM - Woken up by cell phones 'annoy' feature again. Previous murry-purry-furry asking if I wanted to do anything at 6 AM.

6:50 AM - Alarm goes off....

Also woken up by cats randomly getting on my bed since 3 am.

It is Saturday yet? Can I just skip today please?

Things have been... seriously bi-polar lately. Negative and depressing to the extreme one night and just apathetic and numb the next. The good news is I'm finally making headway on getting myself out of a 3 months long financial rut and the best day of the year is nearly upon us (No, not Halloween).

Fall back, bitches! No more of the daylight savings insanity! Sleep in an hour! No more waking up in the dark!

I've finally started working on one of my little side projects. There has been story ideas bubbling and brewing in my head for months now. Two major episodic ideas comes to mind but only one of them is bearing fruit. It is starting to grow ripe enough to pick.

I don't want to say too much on it because I want opinions and critiques on the initial short story once I've gotten it to 2nd draft. The hope is to make this episode based and see what the readers think.

Inspiration and will to right don't actually hit me until I'm supposed to be in bed, of course. Damn theta-waves.

Life has not been kind to be lately but I'm hoping I can find some joy and maybe even opportunity out of what I write. I haven't taken on a serious writing project in some time so I'm certain its probably going to be 'throw-up-on-paper' for a while until I can get more practice in.

Here's hoping ^.^

Yeah.. New Icon. (thanks Sidian).

And uhm... Mahna, Mahna!

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I just found out Cap'n Lou Albano died today. May he rest in peace... doing the Mario.

Maeko, my main character, is currently stuck on a guild that has been stalled for the last month. We did manage to progress this week but I've been pulling my hair out in frustration so long that I'm beginning to think a change is necessary. Allot of the folks I enjoyed raiding with have left the guild and that only leaves a few folks I actually have established myself with in the guild. Not everyone is gone but it's enough to make you feel like you're almost among strangers sometimes.

I got angry at the GM for cursing out the raid group on a learning run. Yelling ensued, silence followed for a few seconds. I get screamed at by asshats at work all day; I don't need it when I get home.

I'm happy to progress but this guild and my faction on this particular server just continue to suck. I was hoping to get some PvP done but it's incredibly frustrating because the Alliance outnumber us so much that I bet it only takes them a day to get most of their PvP gear just from grinding BGs and WG. I'm very disappointed.

So, here are the options:

Stay Where I am and hope things change. This is what I've been doing since key people left. The guild I'm in can resurrect itself, it has proven that again and again. Patience is required though. It's usually new folks tho and not many of the same old people I'm used to. On top of that I'd have to put up with the pvp situation and frankly it seems to me like allot of the horde just aren't interested in anything but raiding (including reading the fucking raid strats).

Transfer to Thorium Brotherhood. Shiriki, who I consider my second main chracter, is currently on a guild with roommates and friends on this server. This guild, however, is focused on entry-level end-game content. The reason for this is to get more guild members built up for raiding so we can get a good raid group going later. They also ally with other guilds so they can get in on higher end-game content. Maeko has full tier 7.5 and only one piece of tier 8. The majority of upgrades, for me, are going to come from ToC (and only a few from Ulduar 25). I could look into another guild on this server as well but it seems there are only about 2 that have progressed to the level where I'd like to be and, in most cases, their schedule conflicts heavily with my own.

Transfer to some other server. This is where this post comes in. I'd rather transfer to a server where I actually know someone. So, anyone need a (~4k) feral dps and happens to be a good server?

No real news to report...

I am on facebook now though.

Going to clean out all but the last two journal entries.

Trying to get some skeletons out of my closet.</strike>

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ok, all entries back to 2008 are deleted. I'll pick up the rest later.

Damn you LiveJournal for making mass delete a pay option. I hope I lag your server with all this manual deleting.

I've been putting this post off forever. Forgive me if it's a lil short and some of the details are sketchy.

At the end of May I attended the X96 Big Ass Show. I really wish I could've gotten someone to go with me because going alone sucked. Still, there were allot of good bands but really the headliners had the best performance by far. I never really knew who Unwritten Law was but I had heard several of their songs and, well, now they're in my playlist.

There was a another band at the beginning called Street Dogs which sounded pretty good but I later checked them on iTunes and was less then impressed (they sounded better in person). My Jury is still out on them.

I got my two t-shirts and ran out of money quickly, so I just sat down and watched the rest of the bands. It's annoying at these things in outdoor events because the people in front of you are either standing up or sitting on the backs of their seats which means you can't see a goddamn thing except their backs. If I do this again I'm going to make sure I get a seat in the far back or make sure the venue isn't in an amphitheater.

Everyone else was great. I don't really know what all the hype is with Madina Lake but I wasn't impressed and couldn't really wait for them to get off stage.

My folks were in town for the next two days. I first took them down to the Ogden Nature center which had remarkably cool weather for June, but all the mosquitoes of summer. It was a nice hike which is really all they wanted. We then went down to Kay's Creek in Layton and walked there for a bit; it turned out to be really green with all the rain we had from June.

We then headed north into the mouth of the canyon with the intent of trying to find a hiking trail but, we reached Huntsville which I thought was a little too far in (I was going off memories from several years back of where the trails were). It starting to look like rain so I figured we'd go a little farther and then turn around. My mother had heard about a Catholic Monastery that brewed honey and we managed to find a sign directing us to it. My folks probably got more of a kick out of it then I did but it was very peaceful there. We probably spent more time in the gift shop drolling over what kinds of Honey they had available. We went into the Monastery briefly, it was just too quiet and sanctified in there. By the end my folks picked up a box of honey and we were on our way back.

Sunday things kind of winded down. I explained to my folks that Utah practically closes cause all the good lil Mormons are in church (cursing the freedom of us heathens). We weren't entirely sure what we were going do but I was still pretty bushed from walking the day previously. We ended up hiking about 3 miles along the Legacy Nature trail and then decided to go take in a movie. We saw Night at the Museum: Battle for the Smithsonian.

It was nice to see my folks again and talk and catch up. Although they did kinda guilt remind me that I need to go down for Christmas this year. Weather that will happen or not; I don't know.

Monday I just sat around and recuperated. All-in-all it was a good local mini-vacation and I'd love to do it again. I'll probably be posting a bit later about more current events.

I realize lately that I've made some rather stupid decisions lately and I may have done some unrepairable damage or even ended some friendships completely. I realize now that allot of this has been out of a self-loathing and depression that I've only come to realize I've been suffering from.

To those I've hurt: I'm sorry. I'm going through some shit right now. When I try and figure things out I tend to consolidate things of a lesser priority so it takes the pressure of responsibilities off. I know it sounds like I'm cutting off the dead weight but in actuality have I ever been anymore then dead weight to you anyway? I'm tired of single-sided conversations that just turn into awkward silence I'll try to (nervously) fill but just comes out as verbal diarrhea. Ultimately, I feel like you just don't care. Sorry if I misjudged.

There are things I've had to keep secret for fear of someone finding out IRL and I'm afraid that friends (or associates of friends) will not be able to accept me anymore. I often have to cover my ass with lies and I'm so tired of keeping my stupid story strait or mumbling my way out of situations. I may just fess up soon and to hell with the consequences.

At least I'm feeling a little motivated to do something about it.

Repeating yourself is not a rebuttal. Even if you've done it to waste 20 minutes of my time because you're not satisfied with the answer and you think muttering will help.

I'm getting rid of my t-mobile phone; paying 50+ bucks for 1000 minutes when I only used about 15 of that in a month seemed more then ridiculous, especially since I have Vonage at home. Anyone who keeps in regular contact with me over the phone should have my regular line number but it doesn't do text. I will be getting a new cell phone for emergencies, travel, cons, and text messages but it won't arrive until late tomorrow.

If you need any of my numbers just reply and I'll get back to you.

If you cannot spell the name of your ISP, don't bother calling them for support.

edit
ESPECIALLY if the name of the ISP contains the name of the country you reside in and have resided in all of your life.

My online Blockbuster queue constantly bitches at me because I never keep the queue very full. What I've been doing is Renting Sci-Fi series' I've been meaning to see. So far I've polished off ST:DS9, Dead Like me, Babylon 5, part of Battlestar: Galactica (will resume this one again at some point), Big O, and I'm about to finish off ST: Enterprise.

I'm not sure what to rent next.

Yu Yu Hakusho: Ghost Files comes to mind but I've seen part of it already and I'm not quite sure where I left off (Hey Travis! up to what disc did you loan me?). I probably should start Ghost int he Shell: SaC again. I can't exactly remember why I stopped watching it. I haven't really seen an episode of Trinity Blood yet because [Adult Swim] airs it so late and my sleeping schedule sucks. I've seen what I can of Bleach right now (20 eps) and I think that's just the First Season, the second season isn't available for rent yet and I haven't been very successful in finding torrents for it.

So yeah.. I can think up all kinds of anime but I can't think of any live action or other Sci-Fi Series' I want to see. I'm not really in the mood for ST:TOS and thanks to Spike TV I've no desire to re-watch ST:TNG and ST:Voyager.

Any suggestions? I'd prefer series' or at least something that will be more then one sitting but I'm open to just about anything.

I finally got back to the gym last night; it felt good. I did about 30 minutes on a Elliptical machine and 30 minutes on a bike. The bike was the only thing that was really painful but that's only because the seat was uncomfortable; I'm sure I had an imprint on my ass from it for all the world to see in the locker-room. I got done around midnight though so it was pretty empty. I was hoping on going today (Wednesday) but I lost track of time and I prefer to spend one day a week slacking off; Today I inadvertently fell into that habit.

I played too much WoW today. My goals right now are all PvP oriented and time consuming but it's becoming more and more frustrating with time. I was going to post that the alliance nearly outnumbers us 3 to 1 on my server but it appears now that it's more like 1.5 to 1. I guess the Blood Elf phenomenon is helping to balance that out. It's time I started looking for another raiding guild anyway and get my druid to 70.

I'm feeling pretty needy lately. I haven't been actively looking around for friends or something more because I'm just not feeling too proud of myself. I just don't want to go out with someone and end up boring them because my habits are pretty slack-ish. Its truly embarrassing and awkward to me when you're out with someone and they try to spark up a conversation by asking about your hobbies or what you do with your leisure time and you just find yourself dodging the question and ending up in an all too familiar uncomfortable silence. I feel so strongly about it I tend to avoid even the slightest contact. I think I just come off as angry most of the time. That's just not who I wanted to be.

I know it's perfectly fine to be this way and you should be okay with the way you are but it bothers me because it's very hermit-like behavior and I feel it really harms me more then benefiting me. Change does not come easy either, the 20's are supposed to be some of the good years of your life you'll look back on (or at least that's the impression I got/what I've been told). I feel like I've been stuck in a rut for most of it. I should just admit it; I'm scared.

Working out makes me feel a bit more normal, like I'm actually working towards something I can talk about. I feel awkward there though; You never quite know if you're doing the exercise correctly and there are eyes that could be watching you and belittling you without saying a word. I may just stick to cardio for now until I'm more confident with resistance training. It's a shame because I really want to work on my torso.

I'm going to be cleaning out my Instant Messengers (ICQ, AIM, MSN, AOL, Yahoo) of people who either I haven't tried to reach in a month or haven't tried to reach me in a month. If you'd like to stay on the list either message me here or try to contact me on IM.

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edit
Safe List only applies if you haven't contacted me by IM in over a month.
Travis
Ash
.. A few of Nicholas' alts I'm not sure if he uses anymore
Peter
stick

I had a pretty terrible day. Just getting out of bed lately seems to be a struggle. My mind shouts for freedom and slack-lee-ness while it knows it needs work to bring in money so I don't have to live out in a urine-soaked cardboard box somewhere.

I had to rent a movie to get out of my stupor. I had three free blockbuster rentals sitting on my desk so I took em. I only had time for one move tonight so I watched Crank. I thought it would be pretty terrible but it was actually pretty damned amusing if you give it enough time. I should have seen it in the theaters.

I've been neglecting from posting pictures here because I'm camera shy and I haven't actually had web space for a while. I got a camera like last month too and I havn't shown off what it can do yet. Well, I actually figured out that the free account I get from work (which I never use) has space included with it I can abuse! Enjoy!

( World of Warcraft: Maeko's Scrapbook )

( Gallery of an organized, mediocre man. )

Is it the weekend yet?

I'm off work early. It's been rather slow the past few days. So slow that I've almost finished reading America Gods. I've got to stop reading 500+ page novels at work but, then again, I probably wouldn't read them at any other time anyway. The home has too many distractions of the electronic and flashy ("Oh... Shineeey!") sort.

Most of you should know, but Thursday and Friday is my weekend and my work week usually starts on Saturday. It's a total bummer because everybody that's available to hang out with (or who comes over for a visit) wants to do the fun stuff on the weekends. On the plus side though, I can get to everything that needs getting to because I have free time during normal business hours.

I'm looking forward to my weekend, I just want to sleep and not have to force myself to wake up groggy like I have been all week. The only plans I have are to go see 300 (per nearly everyone's recommendation) and kill one day playing WoW. My druid is at level 66 now and I can probably squeeze that closer to 68 so my druid can get the flight form without having to pay for it.

I probably should clean and read a book or two while I'm at it.

Meh!

The digital thermometer/clock/pen carrier thing my folks got me is showing 81 degrees Fahrenheit in my room. It's going to the the first of many hot days and nights. I did this last spring and summer and I'm not honestly sure if I can do it again.